Folds of Honor: A daughter's mission to honor her father's sacrifice shines on Memorial Day

It is nice that she was first. That is a lovely footnote. But it matters exponentially more that she has taken the baton and continued the race with uncanny poise and unwavering faith.

Meet Sarah White Duncan, who personifies the humanness we celebrate today. It is Memorial Day for a profound reason, and glorious is this young woman who lives her life to remind each and every one of us.

“I think my father would be pleased to know that his sacrifice was not forgotten by a lot of us,” said Duncan, “at a time when fewer and fewer people understand what the word ‘sacrifice’ means.”

Air Force Captain Dennis M. White made that ultimate sacrifice on April 18, 1995, when he was killed when the F-15E, which he was flying, went down off the North Carolina coast. A weapon system officer with the 336th Fighter Squadron, Captain White was conducting air-to-air intercept training – part of a four-ship mission – when the accident occurred.

At the time, Duncan was just 6 years old. Memories of her dad are beautiful. “A big, booming laugh. At 6'4", he was a giant jungle gym for me and my little brother, Brian. We just couldn’t wait to climb on him,” she said.

But when he was gone, the picture gets blurry.

“All I understood was that my dad was in heaven to live with Jesus," she said. "I didn’t understand the grief or the significant loss I was walking through. I didn’t know the impact it would have on the 16-year-old or 26-year-old me.”

Now 37 and living in the Dallas area with her husband, Ty Duncan, and their three children, Tyrus, Truman and Tripp, Sarah understands that the road she traveled in the aftermath of her father’s death offered her many directions. But she feels blessed to have followed the route that filled her with strength.

“Our faith has been the thread of our lives,” she said of her mother, Gretchen, and her brother, who is two years younger. “My father’s favorite words always were ‘press on,’ and that’s what we as a family have done, we have pressed on.”

With great help, she is quick to tell you, thanks to the presence of Folds of Honor, a charitable foundation started by Lt. Col. Dan Rooney in 2007.

“I have watched the Lord continue to pour out his blessings on us through the Folds of Honor,” Duncan said.

When she was a sophomore at Auburn University in the spring of 2009, Duncan was still feeling the void of a life without her father. Her family was living on a North Carolina military base when Captain White died, and what was very real was the sense that “not only was my dad gone, but our military family was gone, too,” she said.

When she and her mother heard about the Folds of Honor scholarship program, it was as if a blessing had been sent from heaven. “We were naive (as a family) and didn’t realize how little help there was for folks like us because my father’s death predated 9/11,” she said.

“But we felt like Folds of Honor was the first to say, ‘We don’t care about the details. Your father lost his life for this country.’”

The scholarship from Folds of Honor has done more than help Duncan finish her Auburn education. She was a Gold Star daughter and the first Folds of Honor Scholarship recipient to graduate. It has changed her life forever.

“Their support was an acknowledgement that my dad’s sacrifice was not forgotten," she said. "It did heal what I didn’t know needed to be healed in me, too.”

Something beautiful inside of Duncan was ignited. She was filled with gratitude for Folds of Honor, a charity started by the only military officer to also be a PGA Professional. Folds of Honor has connected with the PGA TOUR as a great partner on military appreciation programs at tournaments throughout the season.

Yes, the scholarship was financially helpful, but more importantly, the leadership at Folds of Honor, starting with Lt. Col. Rooney, “had reintroduced me to my dad,” she said.

Thus, when Duncan was asked to share her family story at a speakers bureau, there was no hesitation. The great ones are always looking to pay back. Meeting Lt. Col. Rooney and sharing emotions “really created a unique relationship.” Now, Duncan is still involved with Folds of Honor, leading a scholarship team and fund-raising efforts in the Dallas area.

“The message needs to get out there,” Duncan said. “Yes, there was pride in 2009 when I received the scholarship, and I’m honored to be the first graduate, but it’s just as rewarding to represent thousands of recipients and say thank you to a roomful of donors.”

The numbers that speak to the impact of Folds of Honor are astounding. Rooney’s vision from almost two decades ago has manifested in 73,000 scholarships with a total impact of $340 million, but the inner peace and strength it has provided to scholarship recipients such as Duncan is unquantifiable.

Consider how Duncan can stand in front of a crowd of strangers and tell of that Easter weekend in 1995 when Captain White and his wife, Gretchen, were at a North Carolina beach house with their children and loved ones, talking about dreams they had had that previous night that involved his duties inside an F-15E.

“In my father’s dream, he said, 'I woke up,'" recalled Duncan. "Then he asked my mother, ‘What was your outcome?’ My mother said, ‘You didn’t make it.'"

Gretchen told Duncan how her father was once asked, “Are you ready?” (Meaning, to meet the Lord and give the ultimate sacrifice.) His answer: “It wouldn’t be my choice to leave you behind, but yes, I’m ready.”

So on the day her husband died, Gretchen White read Philippians 3:14 in her daily devotional: “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

She is her father’s daughter, which is to say Duncan presses on, too.