By Brett Avery That, girls and boys, is about the best The Fantasy Insider can hope to accomplish. Fourteenth place. Out of more than 30,000 indefatigable entrants in Salary Cap Cup. Thank you Ben Curtis, Padraig Harrington, Nick O’Hern and Steve Stricker. Curtis gritted out umpteen weather delays and returned Tuesday morning to win the Booz Allen Classic. The other three tied for second. That’s a cool $2,240,000 between them in tournament money and round-leader bonuses. TFI’s fifth pick, Bill Haas? Missed the cut by a shot. And that zero next to his name ultimately cost TFI bragging rights for the week. Eight others had the same $2.24 million total as TFI, ranging from seventh to 16th place. Six others -- TFI will refrain from calling them “lucky stiffs” -- had the Curtis-Harrington-O’Hern-Stricker foursome. Believe it or not, four of those top six finishers landed the week’s high total of $2,274,750 by choosing the same No. 5 guy: Tommy Armour III. Tommy Armour III? Why, he was the No. 5 guy on TFI’s “Hey, buddy” backup lineup. Talk about being hoist with one’s own petard. TFI spent the weekend on proverbial pins and needles (and the sofa), glued to the tube during the telecasts. The four guys on his main lineup who made the cut kept floating higher on the leader board and his scoreboard money total kept rising. Back when he began the column in January 2004, TFI made a deal with the staff at HQ. Because he’s ineligible for any prizes -- despite his freelancer status he’s technically an employee -- TFI put a provision in his agreement. If he won a weekly competition he would receive an autographed 8-by-10 photo of any player of his choosing. His selection? Kevin Sutherland, a can-do, under-the-radar kind of guy who typically makes for a decent check. Not flashy, just the type dependable fellow who can fatten a competitor’s fantasy bankroll. In case you’re wondering, TFI has no intention of holding a 14th-place finish over anyone’s head. There’s no “What would you do without TFI’s wisdom?” to the 15 people who selected most or all of his lineup. After all, he can’t fault someone for recognizing his wisdom, right? There’s also no “He told you so” to anyone who commemorated one of TFI’s bad weeks by flaming him on the message boards or lobbing trash-talking email to his inbox. Right now he’s got an enormous smile on his face. It’s the same way you feel when you ace a week in a fantasy league or go out and play a career round of golf. TFI knows he’s had crummy weeks during the past two-plus seasons. Everyone has them. It gives him an appreciation for just how difficult it must be to make a living as a touring professional. Just getting a PGA TOUR playing card is the ultimate merit badge. But those bad weeks also help him appreciate the fact that as a columnist he’s not paid an amount that corresponds to how high his selections finish. Unlike PGA TOUR members who can cover their mortgage payments and utility bills with endorsement deals, TFI’s picks some weeks would force him into panhandling. The pressure in waiting for the delayed Booz Allen to hurry up and finish was getting to TFI by late Monday afternoon as the rain swamped Washington, D.C. Twenty more minutes of play and the tournament would have gone in the books. Instead it was another night of uneasy sleep for TFI as he stood somewhere near the lead. At least Ben Curtis had the comfort of a seven-shot lead. Monday night, when he’d normally spend a few hours of solitude researching players and writing, TFI found himself idled. No salaries, no scores. Not even a decent World Cup replay or a Stanley Cup final game to watch. So TFI called some friends to vent his anxiety. After a few calls he dialed up a non-golfing friend. Not only does she not understand fantasy sports, she all but sneers when she likens golf to croquet. TFI was undaunted by her remarks. Can you imagine, he said in hopeful tones, how wonderful winning a week of Salary Cap Cup would be after so many so-so tournaments? Should TFI retire on these laurels if the impossible occurred, a kind of walk-off homer of a column to permanently quiet his critics? To which his friend summed up the situation in a dozen choice words: “If you’re that bad, why do they have you write the column?” Because every once in a while even the blind columnist picks a winner. Ah, forget the retirement. The challenge is trying to do it again. Keep that pen handy, Mr. Sutherland. There’s always this week. Three players TFI might pick up/trade for to get onto his roster this week: • Kenny Perry. OK, time for this guy to stop fooling around. Not that he’s dogged around his first six starts since returning from knee surgery in early March, but he hasn’t worked back into shape as quickly as others who have taken an extended hiatus. Now he’s looking fit and ready to contend. That tie for 13th at last week’s/this week’s Booz Allen Classic rivals his best pre-injury finishes this year. And he’s once out of the top 20 in his last seven starts at the Buick Championship. Nice timing. • Jerry Kelly. Another guy with compelling timing. Barely missed his fourth top-10 showing of the season at Booz Allen and is creeping toward the top 30 -- it’s never too early to covet a berth in THE TOUR Championship. Factor in his last four starts at the TPC at River Highlands: tied fourth, tied 13th, missed cut, tied seventh. Bonus: Short game stats are superb. • Kevin Sutherland. Seriously. Only once out of the top 35 in his last seven starts, dating to the Shell Houston Open in late April. That’s the style of play that keeps him below the radar yet makes him a strong mid-range selection. Oh, and this event? He’s missed one cut in 10 starts and otherwise nothing worse than a tie for 25th. One type of player TFI might drop/trade for to get off his roster this week: • Monday/Tuesday finishers at the Booz Allen who made the cut in the U.S. Open. Perhaps dropping them from the lineup is too severe. At the least TFI would give serious consideration to inviting them onto a seat at the far end of the bench for this week. The fatigue factor catches up with someone, no matter their fitness. Rotisserie results for Expert League at Booz Allen Classic: 70 points (second). One-putts 157 (first), birdies 92 (first), bouncebacks 9 (third), 300+ drives 10 (third), fairways 232 (first), greens 277 (second), money $416,425 (third), scoring 68.4 (first), scrambles 62 (second), eagles 2 (third). Overall: 52.5 (fourth). Memo to Steve Alexander of rotoworld.com, who helped form this league: That battle for third place, with a point keeping you ahead of TFI? It’s going to be a battle royal to the finish! Rotisserie lineup for Buick Championship: Steve Flesch, Brian Gay, Trevor Immelman, Joe Ogilvie, Bo Van Pelt, Camilo Villegas. Not competing: Ben Crane, Sergio Garcia, Geoff Ogilvy, Brett Quigley. Roster move: Dropped Bernhard Langer, added Trevor Immelman. Yes, yes, only a week after TFI touted Langer he drops the guy. Go figure. H2H results for Pacific Tour League at Booz Allen Classic: TFI 177, Polynesian Pride 107. Driving: Fredrik Jacobson 19, Nick O'Hern 68. Short game: K.J. Choi 53, David Howell 0 (did not compete). Putting: Ryuji Imada 31, Richard S. Johnson 6. Another gold star for TFI in an incredibly good week! H2H lineup for Buick Championship: TFI (13-9-1) at Greenside Shockers (13-10). Driving: Fredrik Jacobson, Nick O’Hern. Short game: K.J. Choi, Carl Pettersson. Putting Ryuji Imada, Justin Leonard. Not competing: Chad Campbell, David Howell, Angel Cabrera, Richard S. Johnson. Back in the West Division’s second spot for the first time since Week 8. A win over the third-place team would strengthen the chances of a playoff berth. Salary Cap Cup results for Booz Allen Classic: The main lineup of Padraig Harrington ($330,000, tied second), Nick O’Hern ($330,000, tied second), Steve Stricker ($330,000, tied second), Ben Curtis ($1,250,000, won!; includes $350,000 in round leader bonuses) and Bill Haas ($0, missed cut) earned $2,240,000 and placed 14th (!). Through Week 25 it totaled $4,481,526 and ranked 53rd (!). Does this mean the Cubbies are ready to win the World Series? The “Hey, buddy” backup lineup of Fred Funk ($34,750, tied 26th), Ted Purdy ($0, missed cut), Joe Ogilvie ($0, missed cut), Ryan Moore ($0, missed cut) and Tommy Armour III ($34,750, tied 26th) earned $69,500 and placed 18,352nd. Through Week 25 it totaled $628,513 and ranked 25,397th. Does this somehow prove that nice guys indeed finish first and last? Week 25 winner: Power Fade $2,274,750 (one of four at that figure). Segment Three leader: aalepeggers $5,978,927. Salary Cap Cup lineup for Buick Championship: Main lineup, Kenny Perry $300,000, Jerry Kelly $218,750, Heath Slocum $166,750, Billy Andrade $160,250, Kevin Sutherland $75,000. Total: $920,750. “Hey, buddy” backup lineup, Nick O’Hern $296,750, Carl Pettersson $293,500, Shigeki Maruyama $238,250, Frank Lickliter II $75,000, Darron Stiles $75,000. Total: $978,500. Have a question or comment for TFI? Send it to him at brettavery@aol.com. Please remember to include your team and league names and whether you’re playing a rotisserie or H2H league. |
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