Maginnes: A weekend with the boys at Pinehurst

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They say that the key to happiness is having something that you can look forward to. I don't know who "they" are, but they say a lot of stuff and most of it is right on the money. If you are a listener to golf on XM 146 then for the first time this year you will not hear my voice describing shots from the PODS Championship. I am enjoying a rare week off to attend my first guys golf outing.

John Maginnes is going to be enjoying a weekend with the boys at Pinehurst. (Badz/PGA TOUR)

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Obviously, as a former TOUR player, every week was the ultimate guys golf outing. This time, though, the boys who I grew up with -- the ones who show no mercy when a flaw is exposed and leave no stone unturned when another is in trouble -- are gathering in Pinehurst for a couple of days of "golf."

I will not use any of their real names here because it is inevitable that at least two or three of the guys lied about their whereabouts this coming weekend to bosses, wives or girlfriends. Heck, it's an even-money bet that at least one of them lied to all three.

The occasion that has brought us all together is the bachelor party for my friend, Dong, who's nicknamed after the exchange student in the 80s flick, "Sixteen Candles." The actual number of attendees is not certain. What is certain is most of the infield from my little league baseball team will be there. And all of us who lived with Dong during his near decade of college are planning on coming. Squirelling Bernie is still a question mark, but then again he always is.

Dong is an adult now as most of us are in one form or another. He is a gynecological pharmaceutical expert living in Tennessee. No, I can't make that up. Corita, the Water Rat, Dong, Fog (Father of the Groom or King Dong), Bernie, Lem and a host of others will descend on the south's home of golf and behave in ways that will undoubtedly make old Donald Ross roll over in his grave. We can't help ourselves -- when two or more of us get together we are back in high school or college. The problem is the recovery time and the disturbing echoes from the real world that never seem to fade completely. By the way, I used Lem's real name -- not because he doesn't have a nickname but because he hasn't had to be anywhere for the last 40 years and I am pretty sure that he isn't missing anything pressing this weekend.

As golfers go, this group is about what you would expect. Some may claim single-digit handicaps. But heck, you should have heard some of the claims they made in college after the Kappa Sig-Tri Sig mixer. A handicap bluff in this crowd is the least of our worries. As a matter of fact, the one thing that we know for sure is that the first liar of the weekend will not have a chance.

If you are wondering why a group of slightly graying, slightly balding men would pick Pinehurst for the bachelor party the answer is simple. The ones who are married couldn't get Las Vegas or New Orleans past their wives. Myrtle Beach would have been a stretch, too. We chose this weekend because Saturday night is the final ACC game of the year -- Duke vs. Carolina. You can claim Yankees-Red Sox as the best rivalry in all of sports if you like. Just don't try to convince any of my crowd of that. Growing up, we had our share of battles over the years. The only ones that I can ever remember where one of us actually struck another one was after a Duke-Carolina game. And I keep promising myself that I will be a gracious winner when Duke knocks Carolina off their high horse again this year.

Of course, there are members of our dysfunctional and beer-soaked little group who won't be able to make it this trip. They have been properly berated for the lack of civic mindedness. Did I say civic? Oh, I meant simple mindedness.

The trip was arranged by an old friend who has a company called AME Golf that books travel to Pinehurst and anywhere else you want to take a group to play. The website was idiot-proof and he found a house where we can all stay. But Pudd'in is bailing on our weekend. I think that he was concerned that if he is out of the country he can't be forced to testify.

Friday afternoon we are playing Pine Needles, which has hosted two U.S. Women's Opens since the last time I was there. Ironically enough, I was a camp counselor there when I was in college. Twenty years later, it is my little group that will need adult supervision.

Saturday we are playing the Magnolia Course at Pinewild, a long and difficult course that will challenge even the best players. For bleary eyed hackers, this could prove to be a nightmare. If you are wondering why Pinehurst No. 2 is not on our list -- well, quite frankly, it is too expensive and let's just say a little too advanced for the crew that will be assembling.

By Sunday, we will all slink back to our corners of the South with sore abs and cheeks from laughing and mild hangovers. We will go back to the lives and loved ones that we have chosen. We will see each other again next month to give Dong away to the only girl who could ever put up with him. That is, if she will have him back after a weekend with us. Come to think of it, considering the bachelor parties and subsequent marriages that we orchestrated in our 20s maybe the quiet little hamlet of Pinehurst isn't such a bad idea.

As long as we don't encounter anything that asprin, antibiotics and a well-placed bribe or two can't fix, I think that we should be fine. I wonder what "they" have to say about that?