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By John Maginnes
PGATOUR.com Correspondent

Tiger Woods has won every conceivable award that a male athlete can win. He has been named Male Athlete of the Year by the press and Player of the Year by his peers -- many times, I might add -- but he has never won a Ginny.

A Ginny is a small mounted trophy that looks much like the small rodent (guinea) that could never be mistaken for a pig. We were actually going to use taxidermy guinea pigs but as you will see, we wanted to be politically correct.

Best Stare

So welcome to the first Ginny Awards show, un-sponsored and unaired but insignificant, nonetheless. The Ginny committee meets every Monday night at the Tap Room in Greensboro, N.C., to discuss events of the day both in and out of golf. At year's end the secretary of the Ginny Awards committee, Gun Smoke, compiled all the notes from the year in golf.

As we reviewed the cocktail napkins -- er, I mean, notes -- we became aware of the fact that there are some individuals who have distinguished themselves in the world of golf whose accolades may otherwise go unnoticed. We established the first Ginny Awards to recognize those individuals who stepped outside the box through their own words, actions and dress.

Raymond Floyd Award: This award is given to Tiger Woods for having the most intimidating stare in the game. Besides, the secretary of the Ginny Awards committee, A.A., who is also the proprietor of the establishment, said that Tiger had to get the first award. We were in no condition to argue.

Bad Beats

Greg Norman Award: This goes to Ernie Els, who was the victim of not one, but two chip-ins at the Verizon Heritage. Boo Weekley chipped in for par on the par-3 17th and then did it again on the final hole.

Perhaps, it wasn't as dramatic as Robert Gamez's heroics at Bay Hill so many moons ago, or Bob Tway's bunker shot at the PGA Championship, but it was a shocking finish. All the Big Easy could do was watch and shake his head.

Like the namesake of the award, Ernie handled the affront with appropriate grace. Does anyone else find it ironic that Greg owns a wine (think of the homophone) company?

Keeping it real

Ernest T. Bass Award: Bass was a character on "The Andy Griffith Show." For years Neal Lancaster from Smithfield, N.C. would have owned this award -- if it had existed, that is. If he was a little older, we would have named it after him. But he was supplanted this year by the King of Milton, Fla. -- Boo Weekley. You can't swing a dead cat on a driving range on the PGA TOUR without hitting someone putting on airs. Boo is not one of them. As a matter of fact he is probably the only player on the PGA TOUR who knows what it is like to swing a dead cat.

Champagne Tony Award: Tony Lema had the greatest nickname in the game's history. And while TOUR players are not known for creativity (see 6-foot-7 Phil Blackmar, aka: Big), there are some good ones out there. For some reason, over the years, many players have been named after animals.

Before there was Tiger, we had a bear, a shark and a walrus. But our reigning U.S. Open champion, Angel Cabrera is known as "The duck." While it is hardly a nickname that instills fear, he paddled his way to the top of the heap on a course with no water hazards. It didn't have any trees or birdies, either.

Hats Off

Doug Sanders Award: There are plenty of guys on TOUR these days with questionable fashion taste. Ian Poulter, Eric Axley and several others made a nice run at Jesper Parnevik this year. Late in the season, though, Jesper brought out that ridiculous porkpie (or Porky Pig) hat and overtook all the flashy newcomers. He keeps wowing us while others blind us.

Jesper is still the Pied Piper of curious fashion. Jesper's trophy will be specially made, razor thin with matching hat and necktie.

Dr. Phil Award: Dudley Hart and David Duval both took most of the year off to be with their ailing wives. In a solely selfish profession, these two put their professional aspirations aside to attend to more important matters. No joke here -- just small furry respect. I hope that we are talking about the two of them this time next year as the two frontrunners for Comeback Player of the Year.

Lefty Loved

Bill Clinton Award: Given the fact that most players on the TOUR are Republicans, this is a dicey award, at best. There is one player on TOUR, though, who unfailingly says the right thing. Even when he is taking jabs at people, he maintains an approval rating higher than Oprah Winfrey.

So, Phil -- the lefty, not the doctor -- please step forward and accept a Ginny in the respectful spirit it is intended. And remember, acceptance speeches are on a three-minute clock, the Elks Club needs their hall back by 8.

There were several other award topics that the committee considered, but in the light of day they didn't seem appropriate. One was the Kato Kaelin Award for the player who accomplished the most with the least amount of talent.

Ultimately, it was agreed that it should be called the Paris Hilton Award -- but then we realized that every player on TOUR today has talent. I am honored to say that the committee unanimously decided in my absence that I would be awarded the first and last Paris Award. Any trip to Paris is OK with me.

We, the committee, hope that all of the inaugural recipients are honored -- or at least amused -- to be recognized. Furthermore, we hope that they had as much fun entertaining us as we did watching, and occasionally picking on, them.